“I’m getting a divorce” and other ways I’ve failed at life

The last time I blogged, I was on my way to an exciting holiday to Bali. When over there, I accidentally dropped my phone into a puddle and it wouldn’t charge, so for the duration of the trip I was without technology. Bliss!

But it did mean that by the time I got back home and processed everything that I’d learned about myself on that trip, Blaugust was well and truly over.

Just shy of three months after that trip my 10 year long marriage was over as well.

Surprise!

So, inspired by this great tweet thread, I thought I might throw together a little list in ways I’ve failed at life. It probably won’t be useful to anyone, but it might make you feel a bit better about your own life choices ๐Ÿ™‚

How I’ve failed at life: a thread

01 // Bounced from one long-term relationship straight into another

I do not regret for a second the 12-ish years Disco and I spent as a couple. We built a great life together and spawned two truly excellent humans. But I do regret how much I unintentionally hurt him, especially in those last few years.

I wish I had taken more time to realise who I truly was back when I was in my early 20’s instead of jumping back into the dating game pretty much instantly. I could have spared him a lot of pain… especially since it turns out I’d done an excellent job of burying myself in the closet.

That’s a pretty big thing to miss for 33 years ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

02 // Wasted a bunch of opportunities to be a legit content creator

I’ve talked before about much I loved making content – in fact it’s how I landed my current job – but what I haven’t talked about is how I squandered heaps of amazing opportunities to make something of it.

I used to blame my life and how hard it was to balance everything. At first I blamed having small children. Then I blamed Disco when I had to go back to work because he wanted to make a go of it. But the hard truth is that if I really truly wanted it, I would have pushed through and found a way to make it work, like so many others have.

While my new, err, life circumstances mean this is now possible for me to dedicate a lot more time to the fine art of content creation in my off-week, I’ve lost favour with the powers that be.

Notice how I no longer get Hearthstone bundles to giveaway or invites to participate in stream events?

It’s my own fault for not capitalising on them properly in the first place.

So, even though I’ve been doing this shit for however long, I’m back to square one.

03 // I never took budgeting seriously

Keeping with the theme of the last point, I wasted a whole truckload of money over the past 15 years. Like, I’m talking insane amounts ocash came through our bank accounts that should have been life changing, but instead it got wasted on crap.

So while I’ve finally got the memo that budgets are very good for ensuring you meet your financial goals, I still weep at how different everything could be if I had just been more responsible back in the day.

Those goals are going to take MUCH longer to achieve now that I’m riding solo.

04 // Thought university was a waste of time

When I graduated Year 12 I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. Around that same time, the mining boom happened. Kids I went to school with who didn’t even finish Year 10 were earning INSANE amounts of cash.

So when I finally completed my college course, I decided that I didn’t need to move to a capital city to continue studying. What I had would be fine.

Fast forward 18 years and I am kicking myself that I never followed through. The only kinds of degrees I want to pursue are still based in the capital city, but I now have two kids and a decent job that are keeping me tied here.

Sure, I’ve achieved the end-goal of landing a great job, I’m hamstrung when it comes to ever getting a promotion.

Everyone wants that piece of paper!

05 // Took too long to get back into the workforce after kids

It took me seven years to go back to full time work after having my first child. We were incredibly lucky that my then husband had a high paying job so we didn’t need any additional income.

However, what I didn’t factor into all of this is what kind of blow my own superannuation account might cop after such a long hiatus.

There are legit people in my office who are a good five years younger than me who have almost double what I have in their superannuation accounts.

Even with me contributing additional money into my account, I’m still on track to be spending retirement in a cardboard box rather than cruising around the world.

As much as I loved my time as a blogger and wouldn’t have the sweet gig I have today without it, I reallllllly should have been working a conventional job at the same time!

06 // Lost touch with a bunch of epic humans

I’m an INFP-T so it’s pretty easy for me to retreat into myself. When shit gets real, I pretty much vanish into my own little world.

For example, last weekend I literally did not leave the house. I got up, made lunch, cracked open a beer and then spent the rest of my time getting Gold IV in Teamfight Tactics while watching reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation. If it wasn’t for work and kids, I think I probably would have disappeared off the face of the earth a long time ago.

So while I’m now aware that I need to force myself into the world and make an effort with people if I don’t want to die alone the cardboard box I mentioned in point 5, I can’t help but lament on all the friendships of years gone by that have withered and died because I like to bury my head in the sand.

//

So there you have it, folks. All the ways I’ve failed at life! I hope you’ve enjoyed it ๐Ÿ™‚

PS. While this may read as a massive pity party, I’m actually in a good place – the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. Think of this as, like, an event debrief. Can’t learn how to be better if we don’t look back on it objectively and identityย room for improvement.

13 thoughts on ““I’m getting a divorce” and other ways I’ve failed at life

  1. Ah Neri! I know the end para says you’re happy at the moment, and I can get it, nonetheless, I can’t help but to acknowledge it sounds like you’re going through some rough shiz right now! *hug*

    In terms of the ‘Ways I’ve Failed at Life’ thing, I’m right there with you on 3, 4 and 6 in particular.

    While I wouldn’t say there have been any instances of ‘life changing’ money which have passed us by, the cumulative effect of simply being better with what we have… Oof.

    We’re getting there now, but there is a lot of lost time in that regard which can never really be made up.

    1. It’s definitely been tough, that’s for sure, but I got this!

      The lost time is a real kicker, huh? I truly envy those people in their early 20’s who are clued on enough to start all this stuff from the get go. I hope I can encourage my own kids to be like that.

        1. Thanks Naithin, I really appreaciate that. It’s been a challenge with all the craziness in the world right now, but I’ve come out the other end okay! Hope you and yours are keeping well too โค

  2. Just remember that as long as you live you do have opportunity to change things – Life is a learning process. I’m quite elderly and I have found that if I dwell on too many of the things that I did wrong, I get real depressed – dwell on what you feel you have “right” and proceed on your pathway through life. Good luck and I do hope that things will go well for you and your kids.

    1. You are absolutely right – my ex used to chastise me about focusing too much on the negatives and things we can’t change. But because we never looked at all the things that were going wrong, we never really learned and got better.

      Thanks for your kind thoughts ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I’d see most of those things, many of which I’ve done in some analog form or other, as ways you’ve succeeded at life, not the other way round. So long as you did what you thought was right for you at the time, then you DID do the right thing. Just keep doing that and let the future look after itself.

    1. That is a really lovely perspective to have, and it’s something I certaintly need to try and do more of – especially in these crazy times! Hope you’re keeping well ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. To be in our 20’s again. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been going through. You’ve got this and from what I’ve seen, you have some pretty awesome kiddos.

  5. Hey there!
    I read this post a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it since, trying to find something meaningful to say, but I don’t think I’m very good at that, so here goes.
    I’ve known you for some time through games, social media etc. and I’ve been able to relate to most things you’ve gone through. Many of the things you said here apply for so many of us. But that doesn’t make us failures. It makes us human. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I think you’re a wonderful content creator, a person full of charisma and someone who I’d tune in to watch whenever I’d have a moment of time, just to hear you stream/speak, because it relaxes me.
    We’ve all had some opportunities in live that we missed out on. That also makes us human.
    You are very brave for choosing happiness over sucking it up and living the life you don’t want to live. I respect and admire that.
    I hope you find all those reasons to feel great about yourself! There are plenty!

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